There are so many things which are impossible to explain! Why should certain chords in music make me think of the brown and golden tints of autumn foliage?
- R.W. Chambers
Curriculum Vitae
At a 2002 international symposium in Turku, Finland, Himes
(far right)
presented research on Tolkien's use of the Finnish epic The
Kalevala |
Himes and JBU students at a C. S. Lewis & Inklings
Society Conference, 2005 |
Hiking and Caving with Students at Devil's Den
State Park
Two favorite paintings: Fury of the
Goths (left) and Wanderer above the Sea of Mists (right)
LITERATURE ABUSE: AMERICA'S HIDDEN PROBLEM
(Adapted from Michael McGrorty)
ARE YOU A LITERATURE ABUSER?
Literature Abuse (LA) : America's hidden affliction.
Once a relatively rare disorder, Literature Abuse (or "readaholism")
has risen to crisis levels due to the accessibility of higher education
and increased college enrollment since the end of the Second World War.
The number of literature abusers is currently at record levels.
CAUSES OF PROBLEM READING:
Excessive reading during pregnancy is the major cause of prenatal LA
among the children of heavy readers. Known as Fetal Fiction Syndrome,
it leaves its tiny victims prone to a lifetime of nearsightedness,
daydreaming and emotional instability. In severe cases "problem
readers" develop bad posture from reading in awkward positions, or
from carrying heavy book bags. In the worst instances, they become
cranky reference librarians in small towns.
Spouses of an abuser may themselves become problem readers.
Other predisposing factors: parents who are English teachers,
professors, or heavy fiction readers; parents who do not encourage
children to play games, participate in healthy sports, or watch television.
DOWNWARD SPIRAL: THE ENGLISH MAJOR
Within the sordid world of literature abuse, the lowest circle belongs
to those sufferers who have thrown their lives and hopes away to study
literature in our colleges. Parents should look for signs that their
children are taking the wrong path-don't expect your teenager
to approach you and say, "I can't stop reading Spencer." By the time you visit her
dorm room and find the secret stash of the Paris Review, it may already
be too late.
What to do if you suspect your child is becoming an English major:
- Talk to your child in a loving way. Show your concern. Let her
know you won't abandon her- but that you aren't spending a hundred
grand to put her through Stanford so she can clerk at Waldenbooks,
either.
But remember that she may not be able to make a decision without help;
perhaps she has just finished Madame Bovary and is dying of arsenic
poisoning.
- Face the issue: Tell her what you know, and how: "I found this book
in your purse. How long has this been going on?" Ask the hard
question-"Who is this Count Vronsky?"
- Show her another way. Move the television set into her room.
Praise her brother, the engineer. Introduce her to frat boys.
- Do what you have to do. Tear up her library card. Make her stop
signing her letters as "Emma." Force her to take a math class, or minor
in
Spanish. Transfer her to a Florida college.
You may be dealing with a life-threatening problem if one or more of
the following applies:
She can tell you how and when Thomas Chatterton died.
She names one or more of her cats after a Romantic poet.
Next to her bed is a picture of: Lord Byron, Virginia Woolf, Faulkner, or any scene from the Lake District.
SELF-TEST FOR LITERATURE ABUSE:
How many of these apply to you?
1. I have read fiction when I was depressed, or to cheer myself up.
2. I have gone on reading "binges."
3. I read rapidly, often "gulping" chapters.
4. I sometimes read early in the morning, or before work.
5. Sometimes I avoid friends or family obligations in order to read
novels.
6. I often read alone.
7. I have pretended to watch television while secretly reading.
8. I keep books or magazines in the bathroom for a "quick nip."
9. I have denied or "laughed off" criticism of my reading habit.
10. Heavy reading has caused conflicts with my family or spouse.
11. I am unable to enjoy myself with others unless there is a book
nearby.
12. I seldom leave my house without a book or magazine.
13. When travelling, I pack a large bag full of books.
14. Sometimes I re-write film or television dialog as the characters
speak.
15. At a party, I will often slip off unnoticed to read.
16. Reading has made me seek haunts and companions which I would
otherwise avoid.
17. I have neglected personal hygiene or household chores until I
finished a novel.
18. I become nervous, disoriented or fearful when I must spend more
than 15 minutes without reading matter.
19. I have spent money meant for necessities on books instead.
20. I have sold books to support my reading "habit."
21. I have daydreamed about becoming a rich & famous writer, or
"word-pusher."
22. I have attempted to check out more library books than is permitted.
23. Most of my friends are heavy fiction readers.
24. I have sometimes woken groggy or "hung-over" after a night of heavy
reading.
25. I have wept, become angry or irrational because of something I
read.
26. I have sometimes wished I did not read so much.
27. Sometimes I think my fiction reading is out of control.
If you answered 'yes' to five or more of these questions, you may be a
literature abuser. Affirmative responses to ten or more indicates a
serious reading problem-seek help now! Fifteen or more 'yes' responses
indicates a severe or chronic "readaholic" personality; intervention is
seldom effective at this stage.
WARNING: "Reading Addiction" has been classified as "behavior with a
significant voluntary component," as defined in the Beatty-Eisner
Amendment. If you are declared a "known literature abuser," you will
become ineligible for SSA disability payments and/or ADA protections.
Your fate is likely to be a life of poverty and despair, drifting from
one dead-end job to another, as you wallow shamelessly in the causes of
your addiction.
John Brown University / Language and Arts Division
/ Department of English
Send comments, suggestions, and problems to jhimes@jbu.edu.
|
